Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A new kind of pain

Yesterday I experienced a something I wasn't prepared for. One of my dear friends told me she was expecting.
I didn't have the same reaction as I'd had in months past. There was still pain, but this was different. This was shaking in my boots, help me I can't breathe grief. My throat caught, but I didn't sob. I walked around in a daze for about an hour. I think it was just the shock that I still had this pain inside me that really shook me up. But why shouldn't I feel grief? It's only been two weeks for heaven's sake!
But the key thing that was missing was the "sock me in the gut" feeling. The "not me" feeling. The jealousy. This was purely grief for the baby I lost. And I can be thankful for that.

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