This seems like an auspicious day to re-enter the blogging world.
Today we found out we are expecting a little girl!
Why did I wait so long to come back to this?
Fear. There was a lot of fear in getting pregnant immediately after losing a second baby. My emotions weren't coherent enough to put down on paper, at least not for anyone else to read them. The peace God had given me after losing that baby didn't seem to apply to this new situation - I had to relearn that lesson. But He was faithful to teach it to me a second time. I'm pretty sure you never graduate from that class, so I'll continue to relearn it in other situations.
In Genesis 15, Abram was still afraid that he would never have the heir that God has promised. But God reassured him, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." God knew Abram's fear even before he confessed it. God directly addressed his fear a few verses later, but first He says to Abram, "I am your shield, your very great reward."
God is our shield from fear. He protects our minds, hearts, and souls when we trust Him to be faithful. I know that He will never make a decision for my life that is outside of His extravagant love for me. I can bank on that.
God is also my ultimate reward. I've discovered through this journey that the greatest reward is not having my prayers answered, though that is wonderful. It's not even the knowledge God has given me through these trials or the growth I've seen. It's that He's brought me closer to Himself, the source of true happiness and joy. He knew what He was doing all along - His plan for my ultimate fulfillment in Him.
And now, off to Hobby Lobby so I can make something pink!