As I sit down to write about how God’s working in my life, it’s been a long day of blow-out diapers, a baby who refuses to nap, a 5 year old’s incessant questions and 2 year old tantrums. God has been using this intense season in my life as a pressure cooker for my character, turning up the heat to reveal the sin. I can get discouraged by what comes out of my mouth and heart, and though I know I’m forgiven, it’s not the kind of mom I want to be.
In my ideal world when my children leave my home someday, I would love them to remember me as a patient, kind, cheerful, loving mom who never lost her temper, always had time for one more game of Uno, and was always up for trying that crazy science experiment. I want to be a mom who says “yes” when she’d rather read her own book. A mom who sings one more song, gets one more snack, gives one more hug and kiss, all with a smile on her face. A mom who humbles herself and apologizes. Sometimes I succeed in these things. Many times I fail. Praise God for His mercy, I sure do need a lot of it.
Yet the other day I was thinking about what would be most beneficial for my kids to see and remember as they are out in the world walking with God – should they remember an ideal, perfect mom, an impossible model to follow? Or should they see a mom who falls short but is growing in her walk, bit by bit?
I realized what I really want my kids to see in my life is the gospel at work. Repentance. Forgiveness. Pursuing God. And the work of the Holy Spirit growing me to be more like Christ, day by day. God has promised to do this for me - “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 (NASB) I am not perfect, but I am being perfected. I can trust that He WILL grow me and I pray that my kids will witness it and have a valuable model to follow in their own walk.